Musings from the ass end of the world

An apple a day...

2006-12-18T13:05:00.000+13:00

I was just sitting here eating an apple and I accidentally ate one of those effing stickers they put on them (I had removed one already, but somebody must have decided to be generous since it's close to Xmas and add a second one)

How do blind people avoid them? Have they deviced a bulletproof method of detecting them before they munch away, or do their guts look like an advertising board for various apple brands? Surely, having all them stickers plastered around your innards can't be good for you?

Invariably (!) what goes in must come out. If one of my turds have a NZ Rose sticker on it, I promise I won't post a pic of it ;-)

Er det ikke rart...

2006-12-08T17:28:00.000+13:00

Hva skiller mennesker fra dyr?
Så vidt jeg vet har dyr pels OVERALT utenom kjønnsorganer. Mennesker derimot er bortimot hårløse bortsett fra kjønnsorganer armhuler etc. Where's Darwin when you need him?

Fleskepupper og hengelår...

2006-12-01T11:56:00.000+13:00

Hva er det som gjør at jeg ikke klarer å slutte å snik-kikke i folks handlevogner?
Spesielt fete folks... og da mener jeg som i trailerdekk på tvillinghjul, ikke bare en bilring eller to som jeg sjøl har.
Er det bare for å få bekrefta at joda, det er en årsak til alt flesket? Har jeg en handlevognsfetish? Ble jeg påkjørt av en Michelinmann med handlevogn som barn? (Mammaaaaaaa.....?)

Kan da ikke bare være meg som har slike urovekkende tilbøyeligheter??? :-O

Gråtende sigøynerelg i solnedgang

2006-10-24T17:19:00.000+13:00

Dette innlegget er inspirert av MillaVanilla’s siste innlegg. Her
Jeg hører også til 'mindretallet' som ikke vil ha barn. Og da mener jeg aldri. Som i IKKE FAEN!

Jeg har alltid følt det på den måten.
Da jeg var i den alderen hvor alle venninnene mine satt barnevakt, gikk jeg tur med andre folks bikkjer i steden. Og følelsen har ikke avtatt med årene, snarere tvert i mot. Mulig jeg er født uten biologisk klokke, for jeg har vitterlig aldri hørt noen tikking.

Noensinne hørt kommentaren 'men du vil ikke føle deg fullkommen som kvinne hvis du ikke får barn'?

Herregud…

Kan ikke folk akseptere og framfor alt respektere at ikke alle føler trangen til å reprodusere? (Hihi, der hørtes jeg ut som Gorgon Vaktmester... akseptere, respektere, reprodusere, sjikanere, kritisere, manipulere...)

Jeg mener, spør jeg folk som har barn hvorfor i all verden de har valgt å få dem? Nix. Så hvorfor er det fullt ut akseptert å mase livet av meg som har valgt annerledes?
Som Milla sier, er det rart at man drikker? ;-)

Og jeg vet det nok. Bak alle ufine bemerkinger om mitt valg ligger det sjalusi. Sjalusi fordi jeg er fri til å gjøre hva jeg vil, NÅR jeg vil.

Langbein

2006-10-16T09:32:00.000+13:00

I had been dating this guy for a couple of weeks. He was a tall bugger even if you were above the average height for women… which I’m not.
Kissing him out the door, which was as far as we’d gotten to in our brief courtship, always worked best if I was standing on the stairs about 3 steps above him. Otherwise I’d be looking at the last button of his shirt and he’d be smacking his lips at the air above my head.
He was also dark and handsome, a gentleman and seemed to enjoy many of the things I do.

Anyway, men who has a way of making love to my ever curious brain has a vast advantage over others, regardless of how good they look. Thus I confess I have to 'test' them once they get a bit interesting.

But be patient with me, I have to tell you a little bit about myself first.

I’ve been a petrolhead all of my life. Sometimes I blame it on growing up in the sidecar of a Harley Davidson, sometimes not.
At my advanced age, (which is somewhere between the late 30’s and menopause in case you were curious) I should be taking an avid interest in homemaking, babies, knitting, cooking, and everything else my fellow females seem to be burning for.

Instead I shamelessly hoon around in my car, (which is a 2 seat sports car, a convertible that I've had a love affair with for nearly 4 years now… more about my car another time) play games on my Xbox360 (I was really surprised when Oblivion stole the little that was left of my social life… I’m more of a FPS type…) and can generally be found near the Warbird hangar at the airport, wishing I could afford to keep my pilots licence. So I suppose that makes me a bit of a tomboy, even though I don't look very masculine at all.
But I digress. Back to Langbein.
As you might have figured out, he interested me, so I took him on the 'test'.
Which is not that big a deal, really. If a man can handle a woman skillfully hauling her car around corners at breakneck speed… and still feel their manhood unthreatened, weeehey… we’ve got a winner!

I never saw Langbein again. Even though he did pass the 'test'.

I made the grave mistake of laughing at him. I couldn't help it. It was how he looked with half his head sticking up above my windscreen, his ears and chin flapping in the wind like a dog's in an open car window. If I'd had the roof on, he would have looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame. I still snicker when I think about it, but he obviously didn't have an ounce of self irony

Bye bye Goofy, may you one day find a deserving woman with a bigger car ;-)

The curse of having a day off

2006-09-14T19:15:00.000+12:00

'God damnit, get off the bloody phone' I silently willed him to slam down the receiver on whoever was talking to him.
Perched between a stupidly important meeting and a photo opportunity... or a rock and a hard place, whichever you prefer, I was like a swan gliding graciously across a lake, nobody seeing the furious paddling below the water.

Finally! I dangle my cam in front of him like a carrot to a donkey. 'I need you to come up with a photo concept for the weekend feature. I need it today, as I'm having tomorrow off.'
He lights up like a nicotine addict fireing up a fag. 'Ok, let's head off to the waterfront... NOW!'

I must have emitted some form of panic infused pheromones (or maybe it was the look on my face) because he stopped dead in his mental tracks and said 'if you're going to be in the office all day, let me think of something.'

My meeting ended up being postponed, and I got a great photo of him trying to paddle the lunchroom table upside down with a spatula!

Homserom

2006-09-12T11:29:00.000+12:00

Forleden dag da jeg var i spritsjappa for å fylle(!) opp hullene i vinkjellern min(les: garderobeskapet i garasjen) kom jeg over dette blinkskuddet. Unnskyld bildekvaliteten, men jeg lo så innmari da jeg tok bildet.Vet jo godt at de ikke akkurat mente at spriten deres har noe med homser å gjøre siden ordet gay også bl.a betyr glad, men jeg er genetisk disponert til å misforstå slikt med vilje. Modern har samme sans for humor så jeg skylder på henne ;-)

Tell me why I don't like Mondays...

2006-09-11T08:37:00.000+12:00

Nja... egentlig har jeg ikke så veldig mye imot mandager. Spesielt ikke når det første man ser da man kommer på jobb er dette. Det går mot varmere tider her, det merket jeg veldig godt i dag tidlig. Tok bare 5 minutter, fire faen og to helvete å kneppe igjen cabrioleten isteden for de sedvanlige fjorten.
Det pokkers vinyltaket er skyld i x antall avrevne negler (Og da mener jeg ved rota - AUU) såre knoker og mye tenners gnissel.

Men det får jeg vel tåle når jeg velger å kjøre toppløs til jobben om vintern ;-)

‘Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines’

2006-09-10T10:48:00.000+12:00

Skammer meg i grunn over det faktum at jeg ikke har skrevet et eneste innlegg siden jeg oppretta bloggen min. Så her er en liten histore.

Datet en gang type som jeg I utgangspunktet hadde veldig mye til felles med... Krisa kom før jeg innså at det var kun fordi han jatta med meg.

Begynnelsen til slutten var for å være ærlig, sex.

Han minnet meg om Eddie the Eagle. Overivrig på avsatsen, for så å skli over hoppet, lande på kulen, og ramle i unnarennet.

Gang på gang.

All verdens trening hjalp ikke, han hadde rett og slett ikke talent for sex. Så fikk han da tilnavnet Kugelspringer, dog kun i mitt eget sinn. Man er da ikke ondskapsfull må vite… ikke så veldig i alle fall ;-)

Kia Ora

2005-11-23T17:13:00.000+13:00

I will post something, but not right now. Don't want taco sauce all over me keyboard. Spotyas later